~the feel of blues, leessang-리쌍~

Hey diary, meet me again...Yeah!! Currently I've met a very very talented duo group, Leessang, not literally but you know, knowing their songs, their personalities and other stuffs like that. For many years, I've listened to Korean or K-pop songs and most of them are cute and sweet and techno, where there must be dances. But this group is kind of different. Yea, it is a hip-hop group and there is no need for heavy dances, I guess. Maybe some tricks like some stuffs that hip-hoppers do, how should I know? I'm not a hip-hoppers, I'm just listening to their songs. This group has debuted long time ago but only now I realise them. Thanks to Gary, thanks to Running Man. It is this variety show that introduces me to this epic group with all those awesome songs.

Running Man had introduced me to Gary and starting from here, I like Leessang musics.

Maybe not only because of Gary but Monday Couple as well. Jihyo and Gary...I really really love

them. Although it is just a love line in this show but somehow I really want them to be together in

reality. Owh, how sweet is that. They are so affectionate towards each other and sometimes their

actions show their real feelings. Hmmm, how I wish it is true.

They look really natural, isn't it? Sometimes, I think Miss Mong, other name for Ji Hyo, is also suitable with Haha, another cast of Running Man. Both of these guys are really cool, you know and I, too, attracted to them. They are not that good looking but their common faces just, just, just attractive...and maybe because they are funny too, I think. And one more, recently, Gary posted a picture on his twitter. Him and Ji Hyo together, in a wedding outfit. Huhu, what was that? Giving their fans some hopes? Haha....pardon me for being so overdramatic....Hehehe....

They look so cute together, right? Please, please be true....Hehe...And from this show, I know Leessang's musics. It is so nice to listen to it. Although I actually really have a big huge problem when it comes to its meaning but I really enjoy the rhythm, sounds and tones..So like blues.....Like a street songs or something. I don't know that I really like this type of genre... Some songs I first listened from Running Man....You're the Answer to A Guy Like Me and Leessang's Blues. They're just so brilliantly cool. And while I was browsing for these songs in Youtube, I discovered a lot of other songs that undoubtedly interested me. Ballerino, Remembrance...fuh, that are so awesome sides of Gary and Gil, another Leessang's member. I can't stop listening to them and you know sometimes even whistling to their songs. Wow, that is really an astounding effects..hehe....

So, right now, maybe for this time, this is the music I am listening to. And for Gary oppa, you've become a man I really want to marry!!!!

~the biggest regret~

Assalamualaikum my diary.... It's been so long since my last entry... Today, I just wanna share my feeling-the biggest regret. Frankly speaking, I am a bad person, a bad girl, a bad grandchild....Everyone wants a grandmother, but I wasted a chance that not everyone can have. I treated my grandmother not in the way that I supposed to treat her. Shame on me...

This is hard to express...Before, seeing her, listening to her, were all the things that really annoyed me. I hated myself for that. I've done a lot of bad things and when I think it back, I really hope I can turn back time. She, before, rarely ate together on the table with all my family members. Why? I don't know. It had been a long time and it had always be the same. She looked at us, hoping for us to ask her eating together and we were so ignorant... not ignorant but more to stupid. Stupid... She once asked me to take a thing for her, and me, what was I doing? Lingering....simply don't wanna hear her words...and after a long waiting, I did what she asked me. Ira, what was that?? Astaghfirullahalazim.....

She never felt happy all the time that she lived with us. When she lived with us, she looked gloomy...gloomy and gloomy...but, one day, when she moved into my aunt's house, I can see her glowing eyes. She looked happy...happy...and happy... Yes, I was happy for her. She finally found the place where she should be. Until one day.....

It had been a year and since I was sick, she stayed in Mak Long's house. It was a very particular day in the month of Ramadhan, on Monday, if I was not mistaken, 25th of Ramadhan, she appeared in my dream. She called my name, my full name. She introduced me to her friend, acknowledged me as her grandchildren. Smiling. Right after that, I woke up to hear that she was sick...dying....It was so coincidence and that slapped me...Ouch....I felt terrible. I went to visit her and the first word that she said to us, "Where's Ira?" O Allah. I was ashamed of myself, she remembered me...The very next day, I fed her with rice porridge and she ate it deliciously. It was a lot and I felt weird. It was just not like any other day. She then felt sick and in front of my eyes, she was again...dying. It was so sudden and she had a hard breathing and it was so quick and she was not there anymore.

Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun...

Allahuakbar, I was speechless. Everything that I'd done in the past just passed through my mind. I was astounded. It was my first time I saw someone passed away in front of my eyes and that moment will always be in my mind, never and ever can't be erased. No more words of forgiveness I can ask from her. No more. It stopped there. All the relations between everyone alive and her just stopped. Stopped....One more thing that really killed me inside was that just before she died, she told my aunt to take her back to her home. And her home is my house.... A home that never made her happy...A home of hell for her... But she, she still wanted to be there...as her last stop.

It has been two years and I will never forget her for the rest of my life. She taught me. She inspired me. She reflected me. She did a lot to me. She made me think. She made me realise. She, she, she.......was everything for me. I regretted all my doings before..MasyaAllah... I will never be forgiven for all my wrongdoings to her. Astagfirullahalazim... I hope I will never do the same to my mother, to my father, to my family...I don't want the same thing happens all over again..I will regret it and I don't want to feel it anymore. Enough, that's enough. Learn from mistakes. Always pray for her...Remember her...Visit her... I really hope that anyone out there, please, don't do this....you will regret it for the rest of your life.....You can't never forget it and that is what happening to me all the time.

To my grandmother, Atok... I am begging for your forgiveness although I know it is impossible. I was stupid back then. I should treat you better but this is all just my dream right? I can't turn back time. This biggest regret will always haunt me until my last breath and I know I can't change that. Thank you Atok...If there were no you, there will be no me. I will love you, always... Al-Fatihah.

Watashiwa Aya-san desu...

Again, another drama tonight. This time it is Japanese drama, 1 litre of tears. Tears, really, this drama is all about tears. And I can't stop crying, it is just too touched and sad that I can't control myself. I keep imagine if I were in Aya's shoes. How could I be like her? Am I be able to endure it? Am I be able to keep smiling? Am I be able to not really think of those eyes that look at me heartlessly? Am I be able to not make my parents, my family sad as well? Am I?? I don't think so. Because I know who I am. I'm not that gentle, I'm not that strong. I knew it. When I was diagnosed with Tuberculosis (TB), I always mad at people. I always sighing, I always and never be thankful that at least the disease can be cured. I always feel dissatisfaction of myself. I hate myself all the time. I hate when people keeps distant with me, they were like going further from me. I.... and the lists go on, all those negative things. I'll never be like aya and I am proud of her. She was really a strong woman who has the strongest soul, strongest heart. This drama teaches ma a lot. A lot of life lessons, how to be patient, strong, kind to others, tolerate, humble, honest...everything. Thanks Aya for that. From her, I learn something useful. Arigato....

This drama is actually based on the true story of Aya, and she was the real Aya...

And these are the stars in the drama.... 1 litre of tears..... Aishiteru... They acted soooo real!

I wish I could be like her one day.....So that when I'm gone, everybody will remember me from how I look at the world, how I react about everything. And I hope that I can give lessons to others too. Hopefully, InsyaAllah. Got to go. Bye2!! Assalamualaikum..... ^_^

Can I be Mrs Darcy??

Really, one of the best ever movies I've ever seen, Pride and Prejudice.... It'll still be the best in my entire life. I just love it. I've watched over and over again and I've never felt it's boring. It's just so cool. Mr Darcy does everything for Lizzie's sake. Everything is for her and he keeps it as a secret and it's just too much. He helps Lizzie too much. Owh, so romantic. I would love to have someone like him, really. Someone who willings to sacrifice everything of his for me, for my happiness. Owh, I really want someone like him. If I could, I will be the happiest and luckiest woman on the earth.

Hmm, my ideal man.... That's interesting. What exactly that I really want from my companion? What are the qualities that he should have?? For me, it's just simple. Someone who willingly loves me with all his heart without judging me from my look, my wealth, my education, my all the-physical appearances.... But look at me as a woman who is special and I really hope that he could bring me, lead me to a better way of life as a Muslim. Guide me, save me, take me together with him to get His blessings in both the world and hereafter. For now, I admit my mistake. I always look at people based only on his appearance not the quality in it. But I know, one day, I will meet him and I will accept him whoever he is. I will accept him though he is not that handsome because I know everyone is not perfect and so do I. I will accept him if he is not that rich as long as he could manage to support me and the family, able to feed us, able to provide us home.....I don't mind if I don't get the wealth in the world as long as InsyaAllah, I will get the wealth there, The Akhirat. I will not mind if he just working not as an engineer, doctor or businessman, as long as he gains his money from the right way and it is halal...so that I could live in His Rahmat together with my partner as well as, InsyaAllah, my children. I will truly love him and never betray. I will treat him as a special man in my life and I will place him in a very special spot in my heart. However, I will not place him above Allah's place and his companion, Rasulullah. I will love him because of his religion. I will love him because of his faith towards Islam. Insyaallah, I will love him forever, until my last breath.

Fuhh, what a serious tone, serious story. Tett.....I'm still young by the way. I don't have so much time to think about that. Couple?? I really hope I don't have to do that. Hopefully. It is something sweet but on the other side it is painful and hurting as well. So, if I could, I don't want to have couple. Maybe some people will have their opinion on this couple thing and so do I. We should respect people's opinions right? As simple as that.

Nothing much to say actually today. I just feel that it is fun to start writing again. Although my grammar is all over, but I hope I could improve. My major problem now is speaking, and yes of course all the other skills like writing, listening and reading as well. But speaking really creeps me out. It is so horrible that I think I am not deserve to be here. Someone helps me, please.... I have no courage to speak especially in front of many people. How can I be a good teacher then? This frightens me. I know if I only I could speak well, I will not be in this stage, where I feel so low self-esteem, shy to ask, shy to speak, all the negative things. What should I do? I don't want to waste my time here without learning how to speak well. If I didn't do it, I'm the foolish man ever. I pray to God that I could be competent in English, I really hope that. InsyaAllah....Please grant my wishes, O Allah.

Hope to see you all again in next entry...Bye2!! Assalamualaikum...... ^_^

Long time no see!!!

Hi there readers!! Seems like it's quite a long time I haven't written anything in my blog. I don't know, maybe I'm just purposely abandon u my blog, my bad....sorry, mianhae....

So, what shall i talk about in this entry?? Our glorious Malaysian Night 2011 (Mnight) had already passed and all of us did it very very well. Everyone contributed, it was a blessing....Alhamdulillah....The, followed by assignments, my life seems like filled with loads of works...ececeh....hehe...Is that an excuse Ira?? Haishh, it's not good okay...Hmm, now I'm watching Changmin's drama, Paradise Ranch, 파라다이스 목장 . It is so indescribable...I don't know, I just like it. Although the rating is not that high as compared to Sungkyunkwan Scandal or Dream High, I still think that this drama is worthed watching. Changmin has grown up a lot. He is matured, man. Beautiful, sexy, good shape, fair complexion...he is just nearly perfect...wah, I'm in love....Sorry Yoochun, only for a while okay. I wanna love him again like before, just for a while.....It's actually a drama about a divorced couple who accidentally reunite in Jeju Island (due to some business reasons, of course). Da Ji, the heroin, has already fell in love with another ahjusshi, Yun Ho and he is quite handsome..(but uri Changmin is much much more handsome...hehe). And the story goes on.............. Now, it seems like Changmin still loves Da Ji and he is really concerned about her, about her feeling, about her relationship. Although he remind Da Ji not to mind each other's private life over and over again, yet, he is the one who still interferes Da Ji's life..Isn't that cute???? Hehe.... Here are some pictures of them in the drama....

By the way, the song for my blog is actually one of the official soundtrack (OST) of this drama....Have you listened to it?? Is it nice?? I really love it. It is a song by Yesung from Super Junior. His voice is so heart-melting, so touching and nearly makes me cry each time I listen to it. I definitely can't wait for the progression of this story. Go Han Dong Joo!! Go Lee Da Ji!! Chngmin-ah, SARANGHAEYO!! Ok then, c ya in the next entry!!!