Saturday, April 14, 2012

~homesick comes and goes~

Assalamualaikum W.B.T.

4 months....It have been a long time, right?. Today, I just felt so miserable and of course feeling homesick. Homesick? It's really a funny thing since I actually have been away from my family for months now and even before this, I studied in a place far from home and seldom went back. But, I bet all these experiences couldn't get rid of this homesickness. Why I homesick? Why? I always have this feeling when doing assignments and near to exams. During this difficult time, all the memories at home; watching TV, eating my mom's cooks, chatting with my siblings, laughing at my father's jokes, all these just come to my mind. Sigh, pathetic. And today I felt homesick. Yes, I am in the process of completing my assignment but there is another thing that really bothers me. My sister's wedding.

She wants to get married soon and everybody is happy about it. But deep in my heart, I feel a little bit unhappy about this good news. Do you want to know why? It's because she'll get married while I'm here, in the UK. I've got no chance to get involved in the preparation and since it's the first wedding in my family, I feel so left out. When I first heard about it, I was so shocked and I felt so angry since the date is just so near to my holiday. They could just do it while Hari Raya. Why not? Okay, the reasons are the bridegroom would be really busy on that time, they can't wait for too long since it's not good to be together without any halal relationship and so on. I've nothing to say. It's true, I can't deny. I just felt slightly hurt. I'm so childish right?

And today when I really in need to talk to my mother, all these wedding preparations stopped me to do so. They were all busy with the wedding gown whatsoever. Again, I felt hurt. Felt so left out. I talked to my mom only for 10 minutes and most conversation was just about my brother and my sister's wedding. What about me? I know there's nothing special to know about me here. As long as I'm alive, it's enough. Mak, I really wanted to hear your voice more.

Although mak sent me baju kurung and scarf to be wore on that wedding day, I still feel less involved. And I'm still wondering whether I want to wear it or not, whether I want to online my skype on that day or not. And even whether I want to go back this year or not. Seriously, I can't decide. Argh, I hate this feeling.

Okay, I'm done. I just have nothing to say anymore. I have to stop, otherwise, I might write nonsense that actually doesn't even exist. I really hope they are happy with that marriage although doing it without me. It's okay, I know who I am. Be happy Angah, her future hubby, mak, ayah, everyone. I really hope you all will remember me here. Don't be sad like me okay. I'm just a useless spoiled brat. Shame on you Ira. I got to go. Wassalam.